Between Days Five and Six... Forums, nice people and proving them wrong... I hope. Oh, and the cupcake system.

I'm at my way-too-sedentary workplace and decided to sneak a post in between the daily updates. I'll do the weigh in report first thing tomorrow a.m.

A couple of things about today... First, it's been a bit of a drag. Part of that might be the ol' caloric deficit kicking in, but I'd like to believe that most of it is the standard "end of the week, I need a day off from life" thing.

I downed one of my silly herbal speed tablets a few hours ago, and that's propelling me forward a bit and it did manage to put the brakes on my craving for some kind of undoubtedly fried late afternoon snack. That might be purely psychological, but as long as it's working, I'm cool with that.

I joined a couple of online weight loss forums today. I hope to use them as an info source and as a motivational tool. I introduced myself in both and explained that I was embarking on this crazy plan for massive weight loss that obviously flies in the face of the "right way" to diet.

I expected folks to be rather negative about the whole thing. To be honest, I was sort of hoping for some "you dummy" criticism to act as a catalyst. You know, I think proving the naysayers wrong woud provide some additional motivation. Most people like the "you can do it" support, but I don't mind a healthy dose of "you're doomed" criticism to get me going...

Surprisingly, everyone who responded was pretty positive. They congratulated me on the decision to drop the weight. They lauded the commitment. The also told me that I was clearly doing this the wrong way. More than a couple seemed particularly convinced that the Deprivation portion of Segment One of my weight loss scheme was doomed.

The objections included:

Draconian measures apply too much pressure, increasing the likelihood of plan abandonment or binge eating.
Deprivation will only produce temporary improvement. Rebound gains are likely
There's no real need to cut down so dramatically.

There were some others, too, but I wanted to take a second to respond to those concerns.

Pressure isn't yet an issue for me. I like the challenge. I've also made up my mind and I refuse to believe that I can't persevere through certain temptation throughout this plan. I can't make it too tough to maintain, because I can maintain anything I damn well please.

Sound optimistic? It is. Obviously, things aren't that simple in most cases. However, I've decided to make the first of three personal stands on this issue and I simply will not fail to follow through. The stakes are too high.

I'm not just talking about that in terms of my weight and health, either. I mean that in a bigger sense. I have specifically chosen this seemingly impossible task as the first aspect of changing my life for the better BECAUSE it is so damn hard. When I finish this, I'll know that I can do anything else.

Shrinking is my ultimate challenge, in a way. I love crappy food. I love making it. I love eating it. I'm not just addicted (although I am), I also really really really like it. I can't even begin to explain how much I love soda pop, cheesy nachos, greasy lasagne, etc. Seriously. I adore it.

If I can give up on that crappy lifestyle, there's nothing I can't do. Period.

That forms my answer to the binge eating risk. It's only a risk if I crumble, and I won't.

I can imagine the legions of people who would shake their head with a knowing smirk on their faces after reading that. I know that the path to weight loss is littered with people who just KNEW they'd get it done and then failed. I understand that I am setting myself up for utter failure.

But it's high risk/high reward. Utter failure on one side, awesome success on the other. I've decided which way it's going to play out and I have no fears about my ability to do exactly what I've planned.

Those who say that I don't need to be too drastic are probably right in the academic sense. I could responsibly and consistently shed pounds through a combination of reasonable diet and exercise. As noted in earlier posts, I'm not interested in being reasonable.

I'm losing 50 punds in just over 50 days. If I can do it faster, that's even better. That requires massive adjustment. I like the idea of making a big move and making great strides at a sprinter's pace.

The second segment of my plan, involving the additional 50 pounds that will net a 100 pound loss, involves superior excercise planning and a consistent long-term approach to additional weight loss and maintenance. The second segment is the ongoing marathon of reasonability. This first segment is the balls-out sprint.

It's crazy. It's too extreme. It will be too difficult. It's unnecessarily dramatic. It's also intentional.

Okay, back to the forum people themselves. They seem like a nice, supportive bunch and they have some interesting insights and great ideas that I can integrate into my own approach to weight loss, particularly with the second segment of my program.

I hope they all find a system and a mindset that will work for them. I hope I've found one that will work for me, too.

I also hope to prove the critics wrong. We'll see. If you're a gambler, I'd advise you that the smart money is on success.

Okay, the cupcake system. It's not really a system, but it's been fascinating. I had an employee bring cupcakes to work. Good ones. Chocolate. White frosting. Not too many sprinkles. From a damn good bakery. I accepted one. It's sitting on the corner of my desk, where it's been since 8:30 this morning. If I look directly at it, I begin to salivate involuntarily.

I want to eat that fucking thing in one big bite and then suck the remains of the frosting off my fingers. I am hungry. Seriously fucking hungry. I'm on the sixth day of this thing and I have ate about 25% as much as usual. My overall caloric intake has probably been cut by around 90% because I gave up my 100+ oz./day soda pop habit. My belly is growling, the diet pills/phony speed is making me feel a wee bit icky and there is nothing that I would prefer to do at this moment than to eat that god-damned cupcake and then go back to my normal excessive habits.

Instead, I'm letting cupcake rest on the desk. I'm not giving in. I'm not going to eat it. Not even a little bit. I'm not making bullshit deals with myself about how I can have a little if I do extra exercise or any of that crap. I'm not telling myself that it's "okay" or "only human". I'm standing my ground.

It would feel so good to eat that thing. However, doing so violates the plan. It would also represent failure. I'm only going mega-hardcore for two months. Sixty days. Hell, I'm also 10% in already. I can do this.

Maybe I'll replace the cupcake with a cheeseburger tomorrow. I like having the temptation right in front of me and avoiding it. It's empowering and there's something worth celebrating in the ability to confront and whip your demons.

I'm feeling another trifecta (3 pound loss) tonight. I wasn't expecting that kind of loss in the first portion (prior to instigation of exercise) of the first segment, but it's nice. Apparently, dropping the pop is doing wonders for me because I know I can't be losing a great deal of water weight. I'm drinking two liters of water daily, after all.

I might get to -50 faster than anticipated. Not if I start eating cupcakes, however.