Shrinking Guy

Day Twenty... After a temporary absence...

2007-06-11T22:56:00.000-07:00

I didn't meet my extra mini-goal, which is a bummer. Not a huge deal, though.

Right now, I am 272. That means I've lost 28 pounds in three weeks. So, I'm still on pace for my Segment One goals.

I skipped a few days of blogging due to travel. Sorry if that left anyone in a huge hole in their blogospheric existence or anything. Next time, I'll force myself to check in or something.

I've noticed the "Shrinkarino" and "shrinking guy" Google searches have continued, so I know someone out there gives a hoot about my progress.

The orginal goal was -50 pounds in 60 days. I was secretly hoping for -60, and right now my pace puts me ahead of that schedule. Things are going well.

Maybe I'll cook up some long extended discussion of the trials and tribulations of traveling while on a hardcore diet tomorrow. Perhaps I can cook up a crazy rant.

We'll see.

Day Sixteen... Why did I say that?

2007-06-06T08:01:00.000-07:00

So, I lost another pound. This diet and exercise thing is working out okay.

I wanted to be down to 270 by the end of the week. That means I'd need to drop a whopping 9 pounds in about 4 days. Not impossible, but not particularly likely, either.

I'm not giving up on that seemingly insane mini-goal, though. I'll do my damnedest to make weight. Nonetheless, I'm wondering, "why did I say that?" I wasn't required to turn up the heat. Oh, well.

Interesting factoid. I'm not just noticing the weight loss. I'm also noticing an actual decrease in appetite. The first 10 days or so required me to live with being a bit pissed off that I wasn't going to grab a Big Mac whenever the urge happened upon me. That's not the case now. Fewer cravings. Neat stuff.

Day Fifteen... Fat men and women... Beauty myth vs. beauty truth...

2007-06-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

I'm a fat dude. I'm on my way to being a non-fat dude, but I am what I am at the moment.

In order to make the transition from orb to rail, I've had to do some homework. I had to research things about diet, exercise, nutrition and (very importantly, I think) the psychology underlying weight loss.

During that research, I've been pretty ethnographic. I joined the official "I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a tubby-wubby (at least online) club" and learned that the bulk of the other heavyweights duking it out with excess fat rolls happen not to share my status as a male.

Women are more "into" the pound-dropping thing than are men. There are some very obvious explanations for that. Some are societal. Others may have a foundation that lies a bit deeper.

We fat dudes can do all right for ourselves despite protruding bellies. Other guys aren't particularly judgmental and women, for whatever reason, are generally cool with guys who are wrapped with a little extra bacon. Even if they'd prefer a thinner, healthier dude they seem willing, by and large, to look past a guy's tendency to order that second Reuben sandwich or to eat a full bag of Doritos in one setting.

Meanwhile, guys are prone to judging women by their size. Fat girls just aren't hot to most guys. Chubby-chasers are a distinct minority and even those men who are incredibly socially aware have an inner voice telling them that, all other things being equal, the skinnier girl is hotter.

Hey, I tend to have a wider perspective than most guys and even I don't think fat chicks are sexy. Most guys snicker a little inside when they see "BBW".

Is that wrong? Absolutely. Appearance and character are completely unrelated. Inner and exterior beauty do not go hand-in-hand. What Naomi Wolf termed the "Beauty Myth" has undoubtedly destroyed millions of lives. It's cruel, wrong, hurtful, demeaning, objectifying, phallocentric and more than a tiny bit evil.

Men should judge women by the content of their characters and not by the size of their underpants. Some of us try really, really hard to do that, too.

And although I am breaking a left-wing, progressive taboo (because, surprise, surprise, I am generally one of those enlightened souls who actually read bell hooks, Susan Faludi, Rianne Eisler, Dworkin, Mackinnon, et al. and finds himself nodding his head in agreement frequently), I'm going to give it to you straight. I'm also a balls-out heterosexist hypocrite.

You don't have to be rail-thin for me to think you're attractive. If you're fat, however, you don't look good to me.

Screw me? Fine. Here's the bigger secret. All of those other guys agree with me. One some level. Even the most enlightened. Even the leftiest, granola-chewing, pony-tailed, Birkenstock dude secretly lusts more for the "conventionally attractive" than he does for the chubster. There are exceptions--outlying chubby-chasers, etc.--but they're rare. If, as a woman, you think you've found an exception... Well, you've PROBABLY found a liar.

Look, I know it's not fair and that it stinks to high heavens, but it's true. My background isn't particularly buttoned-down and corporate. I've lived with women getting advanced degrees in Women Studies from far-left schools. I've spent countless hours with the most feminist of feminists. I've hung with the LGBT community. Protest marchers, enlightened souls, Take Back the Night, "Straight not narrow", damn the patriarchy to hell, etc., etc., etc.

I count among my friends the most liberated and enlightened folks around when it comes to gender biases and our society's tendencies. But guess what? If you get a few organic micro-brews into the guys, they'll 'fess up.

All things being equal, they dig the conventionally attractive women.

That's unfair and it puts extra pressure on bigger women. But, it's true.

In a poll of 1,000,000 heterosexual men, we could ask a simple question...

All other things being equal, would you prefer company, friendship and/or sexual involvement with Woman A or Woman B?

A.

B.

If you think "A" is going to get more than a 2% approval rating from a representative group of 1,000,000 men... Well, you're delusional.

The Beauty Myth is the Beauty Truth.

Most of it is probably a socialization thing. Some of it may be a hard-wired thing. Either way, it's the real deal.

To the attractive goes the attention. And the opportunity. And all the rest. You walk a much more difficult road as a fat woman.

I'm lucky to be a guy in that regard. Being a fat dude hasn't been all that hard. No one really cares all that much. Being a fat woman, on the other hand, would be a massive pain in the ass.

So, although this post may have seemed (on some level) to be an assault on the BBW community, it isn't. It's an acknowledgment. The big women who are trying to drop pounds are working toward their goals in an extremely pressurized and intense environment.

I wish them all the best and want them to know how impressed I am with their efforts.

The progressive human being in me wants all of them with an interest in losing weight to do it for the right reasons--health, a feeling of wellness, etc. The bastard male in me can't wait to see an increase in the hottie population.

Am I a hypocrite? Am I trying to have it both ways? Yes. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds and I'm okay with the dialectic, you know?

This concludes my crazed rant. Good luck, ladies.

Day Fifteen... Coffee conversation clarifies conditions contributing to constant corpulence...

2007-06-05T06:52:00.001-07:00

Ever wonder why so many people find it downright impossible to shed extra weight? Ever wonder why fatties stay that way while others break through the lard wall toward a better bod? I have an answer!

I saw a conversation at a weight loss forum. It was from some chubster who had a tendency to spend time with los amigos in a Starbucks or similar coffee joint. This would-be loser wanted guidance on how to avoid adding to his/her massive belly while at the said coffee shop. The temptation of various potions, creams, milks and sugar syrups was just too hard to resist! What could be done?

There were a few answers about switching from the Mega Sugar Fix Special to something like the Diet Fake Sugar Fix Special. Other advocated ordering a slightly smaller jug of java, etc.

My idea was pretty simple.

Coffee. Black. Less than ten calories in a cup. No fat. Nothing bad happens to the eye-catching basketball you call a gut AND you still get to hang out in some overpriced lousy coffee place with your buds and/or budettes. Problem solved.

I looked today and found that the conversation had grown by well over a dozen responses. They featured wisdom about going from whole milk to 1% (seriously...the idea of skim was unthinkable). They mentioned replacing lattes with Americanos, using only a single squirt of pure sugar juice. Downsize from El Massivo to El Mediumo. Etc.

Along the way, some started mentioning how they'd never go without "their" lattes or mochiattoisimistalattecaramellos. They can't imagine a world without these non-carbonated, coffee-based soft drinks.

That was the case even though many of these commenters are sporting little tickers under their forum signatures indicating a need (or at least a strong desire) to drop a great deal of weight. Here are people who want to lose 50+ pounds, visiting a forum in hopes of finding and dispensing advice and support on losing that weight, and they're not willing to stop drinking chocolate-flavored warm melted ice cream???

Amazing.

L0ok, I understand being hooked on crappy beverages. I've cut pop out of my daily routine after about 30 years of never being photographed without some sort of carbonated death wish clutched tightly in my hands. If I were to cast eyes upon a 35-degree glass bottle of Cocal Cola with those little condensation bubbles slowly rolling down its curves right now I would probably go into a masturbatory frenzy. I LOVE the stuff.

Dare I say that I love "my" pop more than my fellow chubbalords love "their" frappamochiachinolatteslushyespressamericanos-with-whipped-cream? Yeah, I do.

But here's the scoop, my wide-assed compatriots, the shit isn't good for your waistline. It makes you fat. If you are fat and are interested in losing weight, the obvious first thing you should probably do is to stop consuming crap that you KNOW is making you increasingly obese.

Thus, the idea of going from skim to 1% is about as bright as deciding that on your next suicide attempt you'll only take one handful of barbituates instead of two.

If you don't have the gumption to wisen up and say, "I should probably stop drinking chocolatey coffee drinks if I want to stop being quite this grotesque", you're probably doomed.

Doomed to a life of constant whining, moaning, and straining to button up your extra-husky jeans.

Doomed to people wondering whether or not that missing kid on the milk carton (2%, not skim) is actually being held hostage in your stomach.

Doomed to consistently feeling like the fatty you are.

But, then again, maybe going from a 40 oz. drink to a 24 oz. drink will convert you from Terry Forster to Randy Johnson. Maybe cautioning the barrista to mix some skim and whole milk together for you so that you can feel a wee bit less stupid will will set off the transformation from Madea to Beyonce.

I'm betting that the best idea is to stop drinking the crappy stuff altogether. But that's just my opinion, of course. I could be wrong.

I will now return to my cup of coffee. Black. Less than 10 calories. Admittedly, I bought it at a convenience store on my way to the office for a mere $.79 instead of paying $4.50 at Starbucks, so it probably won't be nearly as good as a chaiallentelattemochacarameldoublechocciato, but what the hell?

Day Fifteen... Nothing... Well, that sucks...

2007-06-05T06:47:00.000-07:00

Well, it's happened once (maybe twice) before during the first 2 weeks of this crusade to lose 100 pounds, so I'm not really worked up or concerned. Nonetheless, I must regretfully inform you that my scale failed to show a full pound of weight difference at the daily weigh-in. As of Day Fifteen, I am 20 pounds lighter than before this started. No, not 21. Not 22. Not 23. A mere 20.

I suppose I could try to dry my tears with some delightful sour cream and onion potato chips or drown myself in a gallon jug of Mountain Dew. Instead, however, I think I will push onward while believing that I will probably see a 2-pound drop tomorrow.

That's life.

Just gotta work harder.

Day Fourteen... I'm banned... It's Angelina Jolie's birthday... Misery loves company...

2007-06-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

A three-part, pre-weigh in extravaganza!

One of the fat-lopping forums to which I belong has banned my link from forum posts. Why, pray tell? Because the pictures I've carefully selected to add to the artistic integrity of each and every post apparently "border on porno" and the site has kids 13-18 visiting who risk being permanently warped by the nubile lasses in various states of undress who adorn this blog.

My defense? I've kept it non-nude. It's PG at worst (okay, maybe PG-13 or R due to some fucking language). It's no more revealing than the bikini shots one encounters at many weight-loss related sites. Etc. Etc. Etc. My real defense? I don't have one. I put up some slutty pictures of hot women to keep myself interested and I don't blame them for saying "shame on you". It's a fair decision.

It's also Angelina Jolie's 32nd birthday. I'm not a real celebrity-worshipping type, but she's fantastically freaking hot and have, as former Prez Carter might say, lusted for her in my heart many times. Happy birthday, good looking. And keep up the good work re: your various and sundry progressive causes. I'm being sincere on all levels.

Misery loves company. That truism seems particularly applicable to chubby-wubbies who want to shed excess weight. People are looking for workout partners, weight loss partners, friends to "come along on an exciting voyage toward better health and remarkable self-discovery", etc.

Again and again, I encounter people griping about how their partners are lousy dieters. They don't do enough work. They're not committed. They cheat by hiding 12-inch meatball subs with extra cheese under their shirt until no one is looking and then consume them in one massive swallow. They quit. Whatever.

I don't get it. I thought the idea behind losing the pounds was generally a personal one. I know it was for me. I want to lose 100 pounds. I have a buddy who could stand to drop a few, too. I have a couple of chubby employees who should consider downsizing. That's their business. If my teetering-toward-obese employee had approached me about being her "diet buddy" I would have told her to stick it up her massive keister. The thought about calling my friend and asking if he'd like to hold hands on the way to the gym never crossed my mind (until ten seconds ago as a comic observation).

I'm prone to think that those who want to really lose weight can and will take it as a personal thing and tend to it themselves. I bet the failure rate among the buddy-system adherents is extremely high.

Yeah, there are probably some people who need that kind of companionship to make it all work and I think it's great if a partnership works for them, but I just have a gnawing feeling in my gut that most of the "I need a buddy" people just aren't really ready to lose weight.

Wait, that gnawing feeling in my gut is probably attributable to the fact that I haven't had anything to eat. I could sure go for a gooey Snickers bar right now... I should call my accountability partner and let him talk me off of this cliff ASAP!

Or, I could just not eat a Snickers bar and accept occasional urges and discomfort.

Hmmm...

Day Fourteen... My fame grows...

2007-06-04T08:14:00.000-07:00

I started this blog as a way of keeping myself accountable with respect to my weight loss plans. It's also an opportunity to vent and, hopefully, to gloat a little bit. It's a small cyber-incentive to continue down the path of non-obesity. It's also a nice place to track progress.

It's been working, so I'm going to keep posting until I hit my -100 mark.

What's really neat, though, is that I'm developing a bit of an audience. Hey, I'm not sucking in 1,000s of visitors every day, but my secretly embedded stat counter does indicate that I'm getting a few dozen (up to 50 some days) readers, some of which are becoming regulars.

I've also found people Googling "Steve Shrinkarino" and "the Shrinking Guy". I'm fucking famous.

Anyway, I was thinking about what would make someone read this blog. Here are some potential reasons...

Curiosity. Someone sees my signature in a weight loss forum and thinks, "what the hell?" This is probably the #1 explanation, but it doesn't account for the repeat visitors.
Sexy girls. Hey, I put sexy girl pictures up with every post. Why? Because I like hot women. Sexist? A reflection of my inability to escape the chauvinistic tendencies socialized into my monkey-brain in this phallocentric culture? Morally bankrupt? Great to look at? Yes, yes, yes and yes. I doubt this is really the biggest factor, though, as completely naked woman pictures are a dime a dozen on the web.
Dislike. I know that a lot of people disagree with my approach and that many feel my perspective is completely incompatible with healthy living and proper weight loss strategy. I also know that I am a bit confrontational and possess opinions that run contrary to much of the attitude reflected by the bulk of the weight loss community. Maybe some people are waiting to see how long it takes for me to bail out, admit I was wrong, etc. Sorry, check back tomorrow ill will-wishers!
Like. Maybe there's a segment of the fat-ass world that shares my sentiments and is rooting for me, or is at least enjoying hearing from a kindred spirit.
Accident. Maybe my fictional name is the actual name of some Pierre, South Dakota used car salesman. If so, my apologies to the real Steve Shrinkarino.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I'll keep writing. Until I lose 100 pounds, anyway.

Oh, and that will happen. You can bet your rotund posterior on that, Slappy.

Day Thirteen... Sunday subtraction... 20 is a nice round number...

2007-06-04T07:57:00.000-07:00

I'm down another 3pounds. That makes -20 in 13 days. I'm running above the anticipated pace and believe that I will EASILY make the -50 mark within 60 days (my original Segment One goal).

For those of you joining the program already in progress, here is a brief rundown of what I'm doing in Segment One (in which I will drop 50 pounds in 60 days--Segment Two involves losing another 50 over the following 6 months):

I stopped guzzling pop like an insane addict and replaced the liquid candy with water.
I cut my evening meal portion in 1/2 and stopped eating anything during the day.
I started regular exercise--cardio for about 30-45 minutes and some weights.
I've been using some of those much-maligned diet pills (read: cheap OTC speed) to get over the humps.

In less than two weeks, I've lost 20 pounds during this segment of my -100 scheme. It hasn't been easy, but who said life was supposed to be easy, right?

Actually, it's been a vicious pain in the ass. But don't cry for me, Argentina. After stuffing my pie-hole for 36 years and ballooning to a whopping 300 pounds, I probably deserve a little pain and suffering as penance, don't you think? Even if you don't approach it with an outlook akin to some kind of twisted Catholicism, it makes sense that radical redirection of habits would be difficult. Instead of whining, I'm relishing the challenge. The immature rebel in me is also enjoying the ongoing opportunity to prove the world wrong. You know, it's one of those "and they said it couldn't be done" opportunities.

On Saturday, I decided that I wanted to see a net -30 adjustment to my chunkylunk bod by next Saturday. That means I have to be at 270 by midnight Saturday. Thanks to a great Sunday weigh-in, I'm left to shed ten bounds this week.

Calling that easy would be a lie, but it sure is attainable.

Now, I'm off to eat a few pounds of homemade french fries and to grill a nice thick porterhouse. Think I'll wash it down with a few beers. Maybe a coconut cream pie afterwards to satisfy my sweet tooth.

Just kidding. That sounds good--way TOO good. Heck, I might get aroused if I thought about it too hard. Unfortunately, my days of excess are over. Fortunately, my days of not being a fat sloth are also over. You win some, you lose some. You just have to pick which direction you want to go. I've decided on dropping 100 pounds instead of food hedonism.

Generally speaking, I'm a believer in middle ground. If you've found a chunk of that middle to call your own when it comes to weight loss, congratulations. I know myself well enough to know that I'll slide from the middle to the area of maximum consumption if given the opportunity. Thus, I am currently stationing myself on the extreme tip.

And it's working.

Day Twelve... "You" vs. "I" vs. "Me" and the projection process in weight loss advice/support...

2007-06-02T06:58:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's a long and sloppy post title. I think it's an interesting topic, though.

I'm a researcher by nature and a very inquisitive person. As such, I started (and continue) an intensive study process about weight loss. The information I uncovered formed the basis for my current "lose 100 pounds" scheme. I combined a growing understanding of human physiology and weight loss with introspection and a strong awareness of myself and my tendencies to come up with something that will work, work big, and work the first time.

Part of the research process has involved frequenting forums dedicated to weight loss and populated by ostensibly supportive dieters and others who are trying to get into better shape. There's a great deal of advice out there and some fine ideas for those who'd like to go from chunkalunk to svelte. However, finding the gems of wisdom does involve sorting through a massive load of garbage.

One particular problem is the projection phenomena among those offering guidance and support to others who want to become thinner.

Here's what I mean... Here are a few comments, the likes of which you might find in a weight loss support forum:

If you cut calories too much, you'll go into starvation mode and won't lose the weight.
You have to come up with a reasonable eating plan or you'll eventually binge in backlash to the deprivation.
You can't lose more than X pounds per month healthily.
You need to count calories carefully and track all of your food consumption to guide your diet decisions.
You can't eat any ______ and hope to lose weight.
You should start by adopting a long-term plan with which you can happily live.
You should give yourself room for missteps and accept occasional mistakes.
You should only weigh yourself every ______ days.

What do all of these comments have in common? Simple. They all use "you" (although the more formal grammarians amongst the chubbyheads might use "one"), when they really mean "I". Alternatively, they use "you" in place of "I believe" or "I've read" or "I've heard".

They are not proscriptive remedies for universal weight loss success. They are personal statements reflecting the needs or aspirations of the writers based upon their own assessment of weight loss and dieting. They have little to do with "you" and everything to do with the writer.

"You should only weigh yourself every ______ days". That's a perfect example. The act of dragging my fat ass up onto the scale does not change my food intake one iota. It does not influence the amount of calorie- and fat-burning exercise in my life. I can weigh myself hourly and it won't have any physical impact on my weight.

When people say you should weigh yourself weekly, monthly, or whatever, they are really saying that their recommended schedules work better with their individual psyches than does weighing daily. They have found that they have a better psychological response on those terms and that they are less likely to misinterpret daily information by acting in that manner.

Good for them. Me? I have no problem weighing in every day. I like it. Even on days when I might post zero change, I don't mind it. My psyche isn't going to be adversely impacted by frequent weigh-ins. "You should only weigh yourself every _______ days" is less good advice than a reflection of personal preference. However, once it's repeated with a sense of authority over and over again, it becomes part of a bullshit weight loss dogma that doesn't necessarily help those, like me, who find a boost from daily measurement.

Other well-intended "you" advice is really self-serving "me" advice in disguise. The thing about cutting calories too drastically and going into starvation mode is a great example. (1) It's not necessarily true, (2) It has a certain appeal that makes it easy to embrace as fact for the sake of comfort.

If you just stopped eating, your metabolism would slow. No shit. However, that slowdown can be mitigated by other actions, allowing your metabolism to remain in a sort of stasis as you decrease food consumption, causing a net impact of more rapid weight loss. There are also a host of other factors one might want to consider that are highly individual in nature. By assuming a vacuum and couching the advice in terms of a universal "you", the writer perpetuates a mythical weight loss world that justifies his or her desire not to cut calories drastically for some reason other than personal comfort and individual success.

That decision might be a good one for some people, but it certainly isn't a universal truth. It's repeated so often, though, that it becomes part of the fat world's collective consciousness. Everyone KNOWS it's true because it's said so many times. In reality, it's a projection of one's individual assessment or preference expressed as a truth applicable to all of the big guts out there.

If you've managed to hang with this post through all of that, you're probably getting my point by now. Without dissecting the other remarks noted above, let's just leave it at this...

When people say "you" need to do something, it might make sense to consider whether that particular bit of wisdom is really applicable to you. It might be smart to think about the underpinnings of the recommendation and to test the advice outside of a vacuum, cognizant of your own needs and research. It might just be that "you" means "I" and has nothing to do with you or me.

Then again, maybe I could lose weight more effectively if I weighed myself less and was more moderate in my decrease in food consumption. Yeah, right.

Day Twelve... Still shrinking... -17

2007-06-02T06:50:00.000-07:00

283 pounds. That's 2 more pounds of vaporized me.

I've lose 17 pounds in 12 days and I'm still digging it.

I thought giving up pop would be the hardest part about the deprivation portion of Segment One of my soon-to-be-patented Guide to Losing 100 Pounds fast, but it hasn't been all that rough. Really, there's only been one SERIOUS challenge--being at home.

My wife and daughter are not cutting their calories the way I am. They are not attempting to lose a buttload of weight in record time. Thus, they tend to eat. Thus, I tend to want to eat with them--breakfast, lunch, snacks.

I've never been a big breakfast fan, so that isn't so bad. Lunch, however, is tough. Snacks? Manageable.

Despite the at-home temptations that present themselves on the weekend, I'm doing pretty well with this.

I'm still taking the Stacker 2 things. Not that often, but if I start to feel a mid-day gnaw in my fat belly, I'll down one with some water. Within 10 minutes or so, the urge to eat passes and is replaced by a mild, lightweight amphetamine sort of feeling, which is cool.

So, I'm at 283 and dropping pounds at a good rate. You might have noticed that I did the math yesterday and when you multiply my average loss per day over 60 days, I'm way ahead of schedule. That's great, but I have a feeling that the daily losses will eventually slow unless I do something more than my current level of exercise and OTC drug intake to balance out a metabolic adjustment. I'm planning to increase my workout intensity next week, as a result.

It's Saturday and I'm down 17 pounds. That happened in a little less than 2 weeks. Good, but not "holy shit"" dramatic. So, I'm going to make a nice little mini-goal for myself... By next Saturday, I want to be down 30 pounds. That's 13 pounds in a week.

We'll see how that goes, huh?

Day Eleven... Progress vs. Observable Progress

2007-06-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

I've lost 15 pounds during the first segment of my master plan to drop 100 pounds overall.

Those 15 have been fast (I'm only at Day Eleven) and it's been great to see daily progress toward my goal every time I waddle onto the scale. However, it's interesting... Shaving 15 pounds off a 300 pound fat guy doesn't make a substantial difference in appearance.

You'd think that removing the equivalent of a nice-sized Thanksgiving turkey would be eye-popping, but it's not. The difference in appearance over the last 11 days is slight, at best.

My face is regaining some lost contour. My belly may protrude a little less. Otherwise I look like... Well, I look like me.

I'm guessing that "holy shit" visual results will not kick in until some point around the conclusion of the first 50 pounds dropped. That's a little pessimistic, really. I bet I'll notice a difference here and there at the 30 mark.

Either way, thank _________ (insert name of higher power or God figure here) for scales. If I was doing this and didn't have immediate measurable feedback, it wouldn't work as well.

Speaking of observable progress, I am going to try to get my BEFORE pictures up here by Monday. I plan on posting updates at "monument" marks. Maybe in 25-pound increments. In the meantime, enjoy the pictures of the pretty girls. They are far more appetizing than pictures of a fat dude who's trying to shed some weight. MUCH more appetizing.

Day Eleven... Fifteen Down... 285

2007-06-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

I started this less than two weeks ago and I've lost 15 pounds. My one-day stall was just that--a ONE day stall.

15 pounds / 11 days
1.36 pounds/day

60 days = 81.6 pounds lost.

That would kick ass, no?

Obviously, that's unlikely. At some point, the pound/day thing has to start slowing down a little.

But for now, it's a fun numerical exercise and I am appreciating the measurable losses. It's nice motivation.

From 300 to 285. Not too shabby, kids.

Day Ten... Nothing. WTF?

2007-06-01T08:54:00.001-07:00

Well, it was bound to happen at some point, right? A day with no new weight loss. I have reached a day of nothing. What a crock of shit.

Anyway, I am not really bothered. I was thirsty as hell and guzzled the ol' H2O all day. I'm guessing that has something to do with it. That and assorted other bodily facts that don't necessarily necessitate a great deal of additional comment.

Watch out for tomorrow. I'll definitely make some progress.

Day Ten....Pop? Whatever.

2007-05-30T06:58:00.000-07:00

Current weight: 287.

I've shed 13 pounds.

Today, however, I have a feeling I'm going to experience at least a 2-fer. Maybe another trifecta. I have no logical basis for this, it's just a hunch.

Interesting development: I haven't really craved a pop for about two days. That's weird for me, because I have long been an absolute soda freak. I have consumed 200+ ounces of Coke, Dr. Pepper, Mt. Dew, etc. in a single day countless times. People probably think it's strange not to see me without a pop within reach of me.

The first week or so of giving up my most favorite drink in the whole wide fucking world was insanely challenging. I considered switching to a "phase out" or giving myself a "little leeway" about 8 billion times.

In the end, I decided that would be incredibly weak and would be wholly inconsistent with my personal committment to achieving my goals in quick order.

I went cold turkey and it sucked butt. However, it seems as if I've suddenly emerged into a new "pop holds no interest" world. I don't know how long this disinterest in carbonated sweets will last, but I'm enjoying it at the moment.

I did, of course, shield myself from DTs by taking the crazy OTC speed (excuse me, diet aid) and guzzling a massive styrofoam trash can of jet black coffee every morning. If I was dealing with the caffeine aspect of my addiction, I wouldn't be blogging right now. I'd be under supervision instead.

Day Nine... One dozen down, seven dozen + to go... Gym report...

2007-05-29T07:13:00.001-07:00

Ninth day. Twelve pounds lost. Not too shabby.

I received an interesting comment here the other day about the first phase of my weight loss plan. In the 60-day Segment One, I'm only eating one moderately-sized meal per day. That's not the long term plan, but it is a key ingredient to the jump start.

Someone commented here and asked why I didn't throw a little salad together for while I'm at work. It was a persuasive argument. There'd be no fat. Calories would be next to nothing. It would take the edge off things. So, why am I not doing that?

The primary reason is because I know my personality and my ability to turn inches into long stretches of interstate highway. If I allow myself that kind of lee-way right off the bat, I will be more likely to let the whole thing slide away. The salad thing is a good idea, but it wouldn't be good for me.

Additionally, I am using the uber-tough Segment One as a personal proving ground. If and when I get through the first phase, I will have shown myself that I can do just about anything. Instead of slowing ramping up like most folks, I want to start with the amps turned up to 11. I can turn the volume down later, knowing that (a) I can accomplish whatever goals remain and (b) understanding exactly how much sacrifice I'd be wasting if I should backslide.

I went and did the gym thing. I'm not sore. Something tells me that my body will catch up with my sudden burst of exercise this evening, though, and that I will feel as if someone beat the shit out of me. That won't stop me, though. I'll be back again this evening for more self-administered punishment.

I'm beginning to wonder if I have a slight masochistic streak. I've long understood that I have an occasional sadistic tendency (not that I'm a sociopath, just being honest), but I've never guessed that I might derive a perverse but non-sexual pleasure from wearing the hairshirt. Interesting development. Perhaps that'll be fodder for a future post.

Anyway, Day Nine.
288 pounds.
Down from 300.
Like the old highway construction signs said, "Progress as Promised".

Day Eight... Lazy fat people... The truth about pain, suffering and losing weight...

2007-05-28T11:39:00.001-07:00

I've had a minor revelation in the week since I started this massive weight loss process. I've realized that an entire world, complete with a huge economy, has developed around our fat guts and foolish lifestyles--and that the world in question exists because of our fear of challenge and addiction to ease.

There are diet book authors, pill pushers, noted experts, friendly information sources, commiserating fat folk, scholarly theorists and snake oil salesmen. There are message boards, forums, clubs, groups, and support networks. Fat people and their desire to be something other than fat have spurred the creation of a huge, bizarre underworld that coexists alongside the existing reality.

That's not news, of course. Everyone knows about it. Even those blessed with svelte physiques and metabolisms with afterburners know that there is a substantial market in the waist-reduction field. Everyone knows that health and weight loss is a growth industry. The regular news reports about how we, as a culture, are waddling our fat asses to premature graves and decreaased productivity remind us regularly of this other world, even when we're not a part of it.

After going from big to portly to fat, I decided to hop into the weight loss world. I found good information. I discovered some valuable resources. I read, I studied, I developed a plan. During that process, I became aware of support systems and decided that I would mine them for information but wouldn't fall victim to their siren song.

Here's the deal. Losing weight is not rocket science. It's actually incredibly simple in most cases (there are, of course, medical exceptions). There are two variables you control that will influence your weight. One is what you eat. The other is how much you move and excercise. Eat less, weigh less. Work out more, weigh less. Yes, there are details. It does matter what you eat and how you exercise. The core of losing weight, however, is simple to understand. In fact, most of us, I believe, have an innate understanding of what we need to do. We shouldn't need a massive diet and fitness industry. We shouldn't need support networks and shoulders upon which to cry.

But we do. And I think I know why.

It's because losing weight is difficult and we have grown to hate difficult things. We're easy people living in an increasingly easy world. Things are so easy that we often create (consciously or subconsciously) our own minor difficulties and pseudo-instinctively flee real challenges.

Not being fat is a real challenge. It sucks. It's hard work. It requires effort and sacrifice. Less food and more motion are unattractive options for a breed of people raised on convenience and with a sense of entitlement of pleasure. The prospect of not being able to eat a piece of pie actually shatters the will of the fat man, who has long rolled in hedonism's sty.

I'm a perfect example. For years, I've done whatever I'd like. Big soda pop? Make it two. Maybe a steak with a baked potato the size of a head, smothered in butter and sour cream and topped with sharp cheddar? Sure, make it a thick cut porterhouse, medium rare. If I wanted coconut cream pie, I'd eat as much of it as I'd like. I never felt like I needed to ask for a mere "sliver".

I live in the world of ease. Click your fingers and it happens. Miracles by remote control. Air conditioning, Egyptian cotton sheets with high thread counts, science-improved cuts of fine beef, cruise control, cell phones. Fuck, baby. We're on easy street and we become addicted to having the world at our feet.

We're so in love with avoiding pain, suffering, challenge and work that we don't know how to handle it when it appears. We bawl like babies when things get tough. We need pep talks to handle a detour. We refuse to compromise our automatic lifestyle until we have no choice. Even then, we hang on to the dream of ease more tenaciously than we attack the problem in front of us.

We're weak, lazy and pathetic. That's especially true of fat people.

I know. It's not cool to call fat people weak, lazy or pathetic. Well, count me not cool. I'm a fat dude and I got this way due to weakness, laziness and a pathetic desire to avoid real effort. That's simple fact.

(Note: I understand there are medical/psychological issues that create exceptions to my statements. When I speak in general terms, I am excepting that group from consideration).

Fat people, really, are insanely pathetic. We all KNOW how to cure what ails us but we erect barriers (real and imagined) to prevent us from doing what must be done. We understand the problem and its contours but try every possible means of resolving it in an effort-free manner before taking the first tentative steps into the baby pool of real weight loss. Even then, too many fatties stay on the shallow end of the pool for too long.

They spend their time talking with other chubbies. I look ugly in my swimsuit. This is so hard. I heard about this neat new diet. Blah, blah, blah.

When one of the hogs decides that he or she has had enough and is willing to make an effort, too many kiddy-pool waders try to draw them back to the shallows. Don't try that! Oh, no, you must walk up to your waist in this water mere inches at a time. Good luck, but remember: lots of people try to make it to the deep end, but they end up coming right back here.

Yeah, some fatties are inspired by other fatties doing something meaningful, but a lot of them seem more threatened than excited. They spend their time talking amongst themselve about just how tough dieting is and shedding tears over shedding pounds. They work slowly, if at all, prefering to focus their attention and efforts on the seeming impossibility of the challenge instead of actually making progress.

And that is the siren song of the dieting world. There are too many people out there who are willing to agree with you when you think it's all too tough. There are too many hugs and too many, "it's okay" people waiting for you if you fuck it up. We've managed to recreate the risk-free conditions in which we are accustomed to living. If you need to lose weight and you completely botch the job, you can find other botchers there to hold your hand and to tell you it's all gonna be okay. Shit, they UNDERSTAND. They can RELATE. They know just how hard it all is.

That's comforting. I'd rather fall into a feather bed than into a boxing ring. Most of us are that way. Unfortunately, that comfort makes it to easy to fall. I'm willing to bet that the failure rate among trapeze artists who work without a net is much lower than for those who have a protective mesh beneath them.

Have you seen that fucked up TV show, The Biggest Loser? These heavyweights drop an amazing quantity of weight in record time. Is it because of all the love and the understanding? Is it because of the softness found in the understanding eyes of another chunky-lunky teammate. Hell no. They drop pounds in a heartbeat because they have abusive trainers screaming at them. They lose because they face the humiliation of being failures on national TV. They lose because they're trying to find some pride in a show that parades their slovenly nature as context for entertainment. They shed weight because they're chasing cash.

Back in the diet world, though, people are giving real and virtual hugs and support. They're giving understanding and patience. They're advocating "taking it easy". They don't want anyone to "put to much pressure" on themselves. They live as if the tale of the turtle and the hare was a universal lesson fit for all situations.

They nurture limitation and take the sting out of failure.

Look, dropping a shitload of weight is hard. It will make you cry. It will make you sore. It will make you hungry. It will hurt.

That's okay. Not everything is easy. Some things are very hard. That's real life without remote controls and the make-believe unconditional love of those who refuse to acknowledge that their wisdom may be tinged by cowardice.

I'm a fat guy and I am going to lose a bunch of weight.
It will be very difficult.
That's the way it goes.

I will get the job done, though. Why? Because I refuse to acknowledge an alternative. Because I understand how I got here and what it will take to change my situation. I will do it because I refuse to seek refuge in the shallow end of the pool with other flops.

I know that people will say "willpower" doesn't work for everyone. I say, look at who's saying that before you make that determination. I often hear it coming from those who had to devise a comfortable means of making change because they couldn't handle an ugly and painful reality. Sometimes I hear it from those who just didn't feel up to a challenge.

I'm a little tired of easy all the time and I'm up for a confrontation with this particular devil. I plan on kicking his ass, losing weight, proving a point and doing it on a tight schedule.

Don't tell me I don't understand how tough it is. Don't gripe about "your relationship with food". I do understand and I've had a dysfunctional food relationship for a long time. I get it. I also get that dwelling on fine points, perseverating on difficulty and how to avoid it, and embracing the concept of personal limitation is a bad idea.

I'm losing 100 pounds. I'm losing 50 in 2 months and another fifty within 6 months of that. I might get it done faster. Despite protestations to the contrary, I am doing it in a manner that makes sense and I won't fall victim to the numerous pitfalls about which others warn in the knowing tones of the whipped and defeated.

Day Eight... Oh, and another thing... Before and after pics...

2007-05-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

I want to document this thing, so I will be putting up some before and after pics.

First, though, I have to get my before pictures ready. That means cropping my face out of the shots and, potentially, photoshopping out my identifying tattoo (cut me some slack, I did it 18 years ago--I was young and stupid).

Anyway, you'll soon see a picture of a fat whale of a man on this site. Eventually, you will see the shrunken version of the same dude.

I know that a pending picture of a chubster is less interesting than a sexy picture of Wynona Ryder in overalls, but that's the way the cookie (as if I'm eating cookies right now) crumbles. Deal.

Day Eight... Introduction of exercise...

2007-05-28T07:33:00.001-07:00

I forgot to weight in, so I don't have a number for today. The weekend went by unremarkably and I was able to maintain my stringent deprivation plan throughout. I thought it might be tough, believing that it would be harder to resist temptation at home than at work. That was not the case.

The Stacker pills are becoming increasingly unnecessary as I am growing more accustomed to the idea that I'm just going to be running on not-quite-empty for sixty days. To be honest, I think I'm using them "recreationally"as much as I am using them out of need.

I've received a few comments at forums claiming that this low-calorie phase is going to result in my body chewing up muscle instead of fat in the face of perceived starvation. I don't really buy that. Here's why.

First, although I have drastically cut my caloric intake I am still giving my body something to work with. This is not outright starvation and I am half-decent nice supper every night. I used to gorge myself in the evenings. What I'm eating now is probably more than some might realize.

Second, I will be developing increased lean muscle mass starting this evening, which should equalize any such effect. It's not like my plan is to merely sit here like a lump. The exercise phase of Segment One starts today. I'll be going to the gym where I will do at least 45 minutes of serious cardio and some lifting late this afternoon. That's now penciled in as a daily (well, 6 days a week) art of my life for the remainder of Segment One's initial burst.

Third, I am always suspicious of those who make blanket statements about serious, immediate efforts to lose weight. They always caution that there will be blowback, that the metabolism will suddenly go on the fritz, or that I won't be able to resist the urge to binge in the face of prolonged limitation. They invariably tell me that EVERYONE has tried this and that it INEVITABLY fails.

Well, when I see that sort of thing I consider the source. When someone who admits to not being able to maintain a strict regimen tells me to take it easy, the notion that "misery loves company" comes to mind. It seems like the "weight loss community" is engaged in a weird support scheme whereby they encourage one another to do less in hopes of avoiding failure and its psychological repercussions. Don't get me wrong, it is interested in member success. However, it seems more interested in avoiding failure and in not letting others excel individually.

I plan to be an exception to the rule. I don't think I'm required to go slow, to work on this for years and years, or to experience a series of failures on the long, long, trying road to a better me. I think that's bullshit.

I've made a decision to drop 100 pounds. 50 of that is coming off in the first two months. I have a plan that incorporates all of the "good things" like exercise and fitness, nutritionally smart eating, etc. after an initial burst of immediate loss and high-intensity work.

Contrary to some persectives, I didn't dive into this blindly. For every risk I'm running, I'm taking action to counterbalance it. When I dissect the criticisms individually, I usually reach one conclusion--people are warning me that it's going to be hard. They think it's going to be too hard. It won't be.

I'll learn from those in the "weight loss community," but I won't become a full member. By that, I mean a few things... (1) I don't plan to be around long enough to make deep connections. (2) I don't believe that challenge inevitably produces failure. (3) I have a lack of interest in excuse making.

As I go through my 8-month plan, however, I will be documenting my progress. That's because I want to create a living, written proof that fat people like me CAN do the allegedly impossible. I want folks to know that if you're sick and tired of being an obese bastard with a disgusting gut and a round babyface that you CAN turn your life around. You can make progress quickly and see results in a hurry.

It won't be easy and it won't come with a lot of hand-clapping, hugging and crying, but it can be done.

I'm going to prove it.

So, After 8 days, I'm down 10+ pounds. I'll weigh in tonight so that I can get the numbers out here for everyone to read (surprisingly, I've noticed that this brand new blog is already attracting 20-30 visitors daily, including many repeat visitors).

Well, enough chitter-chatter. I have some shrinking to do.

Day Seven...Lopped off another one...

2007-05-27T06:24:00.000-07:00

I've gone from 300 pounds to 289 in a week. I can't say that I notice a huge difference in my physique, but I can sense the change and I love the idea that there are 11 pounds less of me.

The first week wasn't without its challenges. It was damn hard, to be honest. Who ever said things were supposed to be easy though... Right?

I'm going to ramp up the exercise portion of my scheme at some point this week. That should help to compensate for any metabolic slowdown, as well as aiding in burning calories.

I'd love to maintain this rate of loss for another week or two. I know there will be slowdowns and plateaus, but I'm hoping to get through at least the bulk of this hardcore Segment One before I have to deal with that.

Day Six...Two more pounds vanish!

2007-05-26T12:50:00.000-07:00

I was hoping to pull another trifecta, but the scale doesn't lie. I dropped two.

That means I've gone from 300 to 290 in 6 days...

If you do the math, that's 1.67 pounds/day.

I'm aiming to lose 50 pounds over the course of 2 months (60 days).

At the current rate, I would lose the full 100 within that time period.

Obviously, that won't happen. Even though I will begin introducing an actual excercise component next week, there's no way I can continue to lose weight at this clip. It will slow down.

However, this first 6 days has been great because I have real results right off the bat, which is encouraging. I can't imagine that I'd feel like I was making any legitimate progress if I had only dropped 2 pounds this week. I know that's silly, but I also know the way my mind works and how easy it would be to rationalize a return to previous behavior if I had only made a small gain in the first week.

The other nice thing about this is that I don't think I'm just dropping water weight. I've been drinking PLENTY of water to stave off hunger and to stay hydrated. I also didn't want to get too over-excited over bogus improvements that were really just water weight loss.

I mentioned the forums I joined in the last post. I received an interesting comment from someone who didn't like the hardcore, fast weight loss portion of my plan. He or she argued that my serious deprivation solution would slow my metabolism and that it was going to be stretched over a long enough time to "mess it up" permanently.

I'm committed to my scheme, but I'm always willing to investigate arguments against it. I'm doing this my way because my own research and understanding lead me to believe that the system will work and that, if handled correctly, won't be unhealthy. I'm doing the right things in addition to calorie reduction to stave off problems. That's my opinion. I am, however, open to suggestions and warnings.

The "you'll mess up your metabolism" permanently thing is appears to be bullshit. It's oft-repeated bullshit, but bullshit nonetheless. The only people you'll find writing that are those who are populating diet boards and/or recommending slower-paced solutions subsequent to failures with more intense efforts. It's as if the spectre of metabolic goof-uppery is used to rationalize a kinder, gentler approach to dieting.

My metabolism, all things being equal, will slow in reaction to the prolonged calorie reduction. However, all things are not equal. The inclusion of exercise, particularly, will help compensate. Additionally, the crazy herbal speed pills will help in this regard.

Also, all credible research exists that it IS possible to rejuvenate a tired metabolism via exercise, etc. I have read nothing other than warnings from those who've "been there and done that" unsuccessfully to lead me to believe there's any real risk of a problem. The scientific evidence certainly doesn't appear to support the claim that it is possible to permanently damage your metabolism by rapidly reducing caloric intake for a two-month period.

If that were true, every Holocaust survivor would have ended up weighing 400 pounds. Their metabolisms would have been crushed by the period of starvation. Extreme example, but you get the idea. The body is adaptable and resilient. The prospect of permanently goofing up one's metabolism isn't compelling to me.

All I can say is that those who are warning about ruining the metabolism via deprivation tend to be advocates of less stringent diet approaches or are those who've struggled with weight loss plans again and again. I also don't think critics are taking into account the second segment of my plan which involves better overall eating and increased physical activity.

That's my take anyway.

So, after six days, I'm down ten pounds.

Current weight: 290.

Between Days Five and Six... Forums, nice people and proving them wrong... I hope. Oh, and the cupcake system.

2007-05-25T12:59:00.001-07:00

I'm at my way-too-sedentary workplace and decided to sneak a post in between the daily updates. I'll do the weigh in report first thing tomorrow a.m.

A couple of things about today... First, it's been a bit of a drag. Part of that might be the ol' caloric deficit kicking in, but I'd like to believe that most of it is the standard "end of the week, I need a day off from life" thing.

I downed one of my silly herbal speed tablets a few hours ago, and that's propelling me forward a bit and it did manage to put the brakes on my craving for some kind of undoubtedly fried late afternoon snack. That might be purely psychological, but as long as it's working, I'm cool with that.

I joined a couple of online weight loss forums today. I hope to use them as an info source and as a motivational tool. I introduced myself in both and explained that I was embarking on this crazy plan for massive weight loss that obviously flies in the face of the "right way" to diet.

I expected folks to be rather negative about the whole thing. To be honest, I was sort of hoping for some "you dummy" criticism to act as a catalyst. You know, I think proving the naysayers wrong woud provide some additional motivation. Most people like the "you can do it" support, but I don't mind a healthy dose of "you're doomed" criticism to get me going...

Surprisingly, everyone who responded was pretty positive. They congratulated me on the decision to drop the weight. They lauded the commitment. The also told me that I was clearly doing this the wrong way. More than a couple seemed particularly convinced that the Deprivation portion of Segment One of my weight loss scheme was doomed.

The objections included:

Draconian measures apply too much pressure, increasing the likelihood of plan abandonment or binge eating.
Deprivation will only produce temporary improvement. Rebound gains are likely
There's no real need to cut down so dramatically.

There were some others, too, but I wanted to take a second to respond to those concerns.

Pressure isn't yet an issue for me. I like the challenge. I've also made up my mind and I refuse to believe that I can't persevere through certain temptation throughout this plan. I can't make it too tough to maintain, because I can maintain anything I damn well please.

Sound optimistic? It is. Obviously, things aren't that simple in most cases. However, I've decided to make the first of three personal stands on this issue and I simply will not fail to follow through. The stakes are too high.

I'm not just talking about that in terms of my weight and health, either. I mean that in a bigger sense. I have specifically chosen this seemingly impossible task as the first aspect of changing my life for the better BECAUSE it is so damn hard. When I finish this, I'll know that I can do anything else.

Shrinking is my ultimate challenge, in a way. I love crappy food. I love making it. I love eating it. I'm not just addicted (although I am), I also really really really like it. I can't even begin to explain how much I love soda pop, cheesy nachos, greasy lasagne, etc. Seriously. I adore it.

If I can give up on that crappy lifestyle, there's nothing I can't do. Period.

That forms my answer to the binge eating risk. It's only a risk if I crumble, and I won't.

I can imagine the legions of people who would shake their head with a knowing smirk on their faces after reading that. I know that the path to weight loss is littered with people who just KNEW they'd get it done and then failed. I understand that I am setting myself up for utter failure.

But it's high risk/high reward. Utter failure on one side, awesome success on the other. I've decided which way it's going to play out and I have no fears about my ability to do exactly what I've planned.

Those who say that I don't need to be too drastic are probably right in the academic sense. I could responsibly and consistently shed pounds through a combination of reasonable diet and exercise. As noted in earlier posts, I'm not interested in being reasonable.

I'm losing 50 punds in just over 50 days. If I can do it faster, that's even better. That requires massive adjustment. I like the idea of making a big move and making great strides at a sprinter's pace.

The second segment of my plan, involving the additional 50 pounds that will net a 100 pound loss, involves superior excercise planning and a consistent long-term approach to additional weight loss and maintenance. The second segment is the ongoing marathon of reasonability. This first segment is the balls-out sprint.

It's crazy. It's too extreme. It will be too difficult. It's unnecessarily dramatic. It's also intentional.

Okay, back to the forum people themselves. They seem like a nice, supportive bunch and they have some interesting insights and great ideas that I can integrate into my own approach to weight loss, particularly with the second segment of my program.

I hope they all find a system and a mindset that will work for them. I hope I've found one that will work for me, too.

I also hope to prove the critics wrong. We'll see. If you're a gambler, I'd advise you that the smart money is on success.

Okay, the cupcake system. It's not really a system, but it's been fascinating. I had an employee bring cupcakes to work. Good ones. Chocolate. White frosting. Not too many sprinkles. From a damn good bakery. I accepted one. It's sitting on the corner of my desk, where it's been since 8:30 this morning. If I look directly at it, I begin to salivate involuntarily.

I want to eat that fucking thing in one big bite and then suck the remains of the frosting off my fingers. I am hungry. Seriously fucking hungry. I'm on the sixth day of this thing and I have ate about 25% as much as usual. My overall caloric intake has probably been cut by around 90% because I gave up my 100+ oz./day soda pop habit. My belly is growling, the diet pills/phony speed is making me feel a wee bit icky and there is nothing that I would prefer to do at this moment than to eat that god-damned cupcake and then go back to my normal excessive habits.

Instead, I'm letting cupcake rest on the desk. I'm not giving in. I'm not going to eat it. Not even a little bit. I'm not making bullshit deals with myself about how I can have a little if I do extra exercise or any of that crap. I'm not telling myself that it's "okay" or "only human". I'm standing my ground.

It would feel so good to eat that thing. However, doing so violates the plan. It would also represent failure. I'm only going mega-hardcore for two months. Sixty days. Hell, I'm also 10% in already. I can do this.

Maybe I'll replace the cupcake with a cheeseburger tomorrow. I like having the temptation right in front of me and avoiding it. It's empowering and there's something worth celebrating in the ability to confront and whip your demons.

I'm feeling another trifecta (3 pound loss) tonight. I wasn't expecting that kind of loss in the first portion (prior to instigation of exercise) of the first segment, but it's nice. Apparently, dropping the pop is doing wonders for me because I know I can't be losing a great deal of water weight. I'm drinking two liters of water daily, after all.

I might get to -50 faster than anticipated. Not if I start eating cupcakes, however.

Day Five...My first trifecta...

2007-05-25T08:01:00.001-07:00

The weigh-in was fun. I dumped 3 whopping pounds.

Take a look at a 3-pound tray of hamburger sometime. That's a big ol' chunk.

The 3-pound deal was great, because the day itself was shitty. I'm undoubtedly beginning to feel the impact of the deprivation portion of my scheme. Not physically--I feel AOK--but psychologically. I starter perseverating on the idea of fried chicken this afternoon and got downright angry with myself for not allowing a quick run by Popeye's or KFC.

The internal dialog was interesting... Shrinking Me was arguing with Chicken Me and there was a great deal of rationalization going on from both sides.

I think it could be easy to lose the deprivation argument with my alter-ego because I know that Segment One of the plan is really quite stupid in many ways. That could sink the ship. However, I also know that the stupidity will produce the immediate progress I want, so that's my ace in the hole.

I also like the fact that I felt good about not munching on fried chicken after the whole episode passed. I need to remember that feeling of achievement and use it to my advantage when things get tough during these first two months.

Oh, I also "went naked" today. By that I mean that I didn't use any of the pills. That might be why the chicken thing happened, but I proved I could get past it without the speed, which is nice.

8 pounds in 5 days. Current weight 292.

Day Four...Five pounds down...

2007-05-25T07:58:00.000-07:00

Another day, another pound. I can live with that.

Today was easy. Only one pill. No real temptation. It's becoming a game, and I'm enjoying posting victories.

I like food and I like eating. Truth be told, I love both. However, I also think I love the idea of not NEEDING to over-indulge.

Day Three... I resist temptation...

2007-05-25T07:54:00.001-07:00

Day Three. I dropped another pound. Down to 296.

46 pounds to go.

Today was tougher. I really wanted a cheeseburger and a Mountain Dew at lunch. I passed and had a water instead. I only used one of the pills today, because I forgot them in the glove box of the car, so I had less outside assistance.

Supper was good. We had a family favorite and I managed to get by with a much smaller than usual portion.

Surprisingly, I'm not fatigued at the end of the day.

I'm proud that I pushed through my moment of temptation.

Day Two, in which I continue the plan...

2007-05-25T07:50:00.000-07:00

Day Two. I weighed in at 297. That's two pounds off for the day and three overall. At that rate, I would easily reach my Segment One goal.

Again, no food except supper. Again, about half as much supper as usual. I managed to resist an offer of some free quesadillas from a co-worker and a can of Coke my wife found in the back of the fridge.

The Stacker 2 stuff takes the edge off. I'm enjoying the water. Progress as promised.

Day One, in which I lose a pound and don't feel bothered...

2007-05-25T07:47:00.000-07:00

I went to bed the night before Day One weighing 300 pounds. At the end of Day One, my weight time, I had dropped a pound.

I didn't drink any pop. I did eat supper, but only half as much as usual. We had Mexican food. Instead of three plates of yummy, spice goodness I had one. I then went back and made an extra taco. The end.

I took the diet speed. I liked the appetite suppressant effect and didn't freak out ala Jessie on Saved by the Bell or anything.

It was sort of fun.

299

The plan... In general terms...

2007-05-25T07:29:00.000-07:00

This is actually my second attempt at blogging this experiment. I bailed out on the first attempt because of some technical issues. Thus, I have about six days worth of progress to share with you. Before I get into the daily details, however, I thought I'd give you a general outline of the plan.

When I started this, I weighed exactly 300 pounds. My goal weight is a comparatively svelte 2oo. That's 100 pounds. Nice round numbers.

Here's how I'm planning to lose 100 pounds. It breaks down into 2 different segments. Segment One is the High-Speed Massive Weight Loss portion. Segment Two is the Responsible Additional Loss and Lifestyle Adjustment phase.

Segment One is going to take two months. I'm going to shed 50 pounds in two months. This is the part that will irritate people and will prove that even a highly-educated person who knows better can attempt the impossible while engaging in behavior that runs completely contrary to conventional and medical wisdom.

Segment Two will involve making better long-term choices and living a more responsible lifestyle. This is the portion all of the "right way" people will appreciate.

Why two segments? Well, I don't want to weigh 300 pounds anymore. I want to back off of that weight pronto. Additionally, I know that I will have little (if any) desire to make big progress if I don't see substantial immediate results. That's my personality in action. I will give in to temptation and retreat to previous poor behaviors if I don't do something to make a fast change. I also know that I'll be much more amenable to shifting into a healthier lifestyle if I can already see a difference in myself. Plus, it will be fun.

I'll get into greater detail about Segment Two later. Right now, the clock is running on Segment One. It basically involves a four-pronged attack.

1. Deprivation
2. Medication
3. Movement
4. Tracking

DEPRIVATION: Basically, I'm not eating much. I'm also giving up my greatest bugaboo, soda pop. Instead of eating fast food lunches and guzzling soda, I'm drinking water and skipping breakfast and lunch altogether (but for a mid-morning piece of fruit). I'm not radically altering my suppers, I'm merely eating half as much at evening meals than I did prior to this plan going into place.

This represents a massive decrease in caloric intake and fat consumption. I did the math, and I'm cutting both by a whopping 75%.

I know. Deprivation is unhealthy. I know. Deprivation can slow metabolism. I think the health consequences are minimal overall and relative to the advantages of weight loss. I also believe that the introduction of increased movement and, potentially, the use of medication will cut against that problem.

Some people warn that fast weight loss may just end up being water weight. To avoid that fate, I am making sure I drink plenty of H2O. I'm nothing if not adequately hydrated.

MEDICATION. I'm taking one of those incredibly foolish diet pills. I walked through the local Walgreen's and picked up some shit called Stacker 2. Basically, it's a nice little lightweight speed. It's been effective at suppressing appetite and I sort of like the buzz. I know this little herbal chemical bath will be frowned upon by the naturalists and smarties of the world, but I dig the boost and the phony energy a lot.

MOVEMENT. Excercise. The first two weeks involve little more than the basic "walk more, park farther away" shit. Week three kicks off with regular gym attendance. Five days a week. About 30 minutes of cardio and then some weight stuff. The gym I'm joining will provide me with a trainer person to show me how to use the equipment correctly.

As I transition into Segment Two, the movement component will be refined and improved.

TRACKING. As noted, I like seeing progress. Thus, I'm tracking on a daily basis. I'll put that info here.

That's the plan.

The first post, in which I establish context...

2007-05-25T07:10:00.000-07:00

Here's the scoop. My name is not Steve Shrinkarino, but I don't want the whole world to know about my situation or what I'm doing.

I'm a fat dude. No, I'm not one of those massive spheres of flesh that need immediate assistance from Richard Simmons if I'm ever to escape my adjustable bed again. I do, however, tip the scales at damn near 300 pounds.

That's massive. Surprisingly, I've carried my weight pretty well up until recently. Even now, an informal poll of seven different mean-spirited smart-asses I know indicates that I appear to weigh between 240 and 260. I'm around 6 feet tall and have wide shoulders, etc. That's the good news. If you're going to be fat, it's a bonus when you don't look as fat as you are.

The thing is, however, that my gut has been growing. My face is becoming round and my second chin is becoming prominent. I don't like it. At age 36, I figure the clock is working against me in terms of fixing these issues, so I've decided to lose an insane quantity of weight as fast as humanly possible without resorting to amputation.

Obviously, I could take control of the situation in a sensible manner. I could start exercising regularly, change my diet habits and slowly (but surely) improve my physique, health and appearance over an extended period of time. That would be smart and healthy!

However, I am not necessarily smart, healthy or sensible. I want immediate results. I want to shrink quickly. I don't feel like screwing around with a series of "wow, I lost one pound" weeks. Yawn. Boring. Slow.

So, I've decided to lose a massive quantity of weight immediately. I want immediate visible progress.

In the long run, I'll make smarter decisions, develop a pattern of healthy living, etc. In the shorter run, however, I'm going to do this the so-called wrong way.

I know. You think I'm destined to fail. You think I'm being silly. Unhealthy. Dangerous.

You keep thinking that, Slick. I'll ask you how you're doing in two months when you've lost another 3.5 pounds and I've shed the equivalent of a grocery cart's worth of frozen turkeys.

Welcome to my blog. See what I do. See what I do wrong. Root against me. See what I do right. Praise me.

Oh, and I'm putting up the pictures of hot women simply because I like hot women and relish the opportunity to stare at them. You can start a sexism argument with me and you'd probably win. So be it.